


David Rose, Your Husband Is At Guest Services

by patricksdavid



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Boys In Love, Fluff, Husbands, M/M, Shopping, costco
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:40:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22515631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patricksdavid/pseuds/patricksdavid
Summary: “Stop trying to flatter me I’m not going to Costco.”“Do you know they have a food court?”David’s ears perk up at this, but he refuses to give in so easily. He mutters a low hum while shaking his head. “So does a mall. No thanks.”Patrick laughs softly and pulls David closer, his breath ghosting David’s ear. “They might also offer free samples throughout the store.”“Fuck.”ORTwo idiots go to Costco. Inspiredthis tweet: "I forgot my bfs phone was dead, so when he went to the bathroom I decided to roam around Walmart. About 20 minutes later I hear “[Name], your child is at register 10”. I walk over there and there he is..my boyfriend..sitting there..on the bench..pouting that I left him."
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 26
Kudos: 230
Collections: Goshi Sprinkle Prompt Fics





	David Rose, Your Husband Is At Guest Services

“Patrick Brewer, I’m not going to some place called Costco with you. What type of name is that? Why would anyone want to shop there?” David threw his hands up, flailing through the air. Patrick just smiled gently.

“Well, first off, it’s Patrick Rose now, remember? Or did you already forget the best day of our lives?” He’s smirking at David and it should be annoying, but all David can focus on is the thrill that runs through him hearing Patrick with his last name. Patrick notices David’s facial journey, because of course he does, and he softens, pulling David towards him. His arms find their way around David’s waist and David’s arms fall perfectly on Patrick’s shoulders. 

“Stop trying to flatter me I’m not going to Costco.”

“Do you know they have a food court?” 

David’s ears perk up at this, but he refuses to give in so easily. He mutters a low hum while shaking his head. “So does a mall. No thanks.”

Patrick laughs softly and pulls David closer, his breath ghosting David’s ear. “They might also offer free samples throughout the store.”

“Fuck.”

-

An hour later, they pull up to the Costco in Elmdale. David is unimpressed.

“This looks like a giant box. Remind me again why we’re here?”

“We need some things for the house and if I recall correctly, the samples finally won you over.” Patrick smiles at him, that perfect, beautiful little smile, and David hates him, he really does, but he can’t seem to get that message to his own face which also seems to be distorted into a smile. He rolls his eyes and steps out of the car.

“They better have the best samples or we’re getting divorced, Mr. Brewer.”

“That’s Mr. Rose to you.”

David tries to taper down the smile currently tugging at the corners of his mouth but he fails. “You’re ridiculous,” David mutters as his left hand grabs for Patrick’s right over the hood of the car. Patrick accepts it easily as they proceed to the entrance. 

When they get to the gaping hole in the side of the building masking as an entry and exit point, David pouts. “They don’t even have doors, Patrick.”

Patrick chuckles and leads David through the entryway while he flashes his membership card at the greeter.

“Uh, excuse me, what was that?”

“It’s my membership card. You need one to get into the store.”

“That seems elitist.”

“You love it don’t you?” Patrick turns towards David and notices his husband trying his hardest to repress a smile.

“I mean if we could find a way to make a membership system for the Apothecary I wouldn’t hate it. Roland’s membership would have to be the most expensive. There’s only so many times I can answer his questions about foot cream.”

“You’re so brave. I don’t know how you survive.”

David rolls his eyes and bumps Patrick’s shoulder playfully. “I don’t know. I have a really hot business partner so I guess that helps.”

“Oh yeah? What’s he like?”

“Well, he’s married, so that’s a shame. But he’s very handy. Even when he wears these stupid thumb thimble things while doing inventory because he thinks it makes the pages turn faster? I still don’t know if that’s true, but he makes it look very cute.”

Patrick shakes his head and decides to focus on why they came to the store. “Okay, come on, we need a new printer down this aisle.”

Patrick leads the two of them down one of the closest aisles and spends a few minutes comparing various printers. David gets bored and wanders down the aisle a bit towards the giant box of sharpies that caught his eye. He knows he doesn’t need the giant box of 24 various colored pens, but he wants them. As he debates the easiest way to sneak the brightly colored box into the hideous orange cart they got, David’s eyes land on the Montblanc StarWalker Midnight Black Resin Ballpoint Pen. 

“Oh my God, Patrick! This pen is only $180?! The retail value is like $340. This is such a good deal what the fuck. I used to love Montblancs.”

Patrick wheels the cart down the aisle and stops next to his husband. “David, I love you, but we can’t spend $180 on a single pen right now.”

“No, I know, I’m just shocked. It’s like half off and they’re incredible pens.”

“Yeah, well this store has some pretty good deals. It’s actually where I get my jeans.”

“For the sake of our marriage, please for the love of Beyonce, tell me that you do not buy your jeans here.”

Patrick leans in close to David’s ear and drops his voice to a whisper. “Guess you’ll never know babe.” He steps back suddenly and laughs as he slaps David on the ass and walks away. “Let’s go, David!”

\--

They make it through the home themed half of the store with relative ease. It’s not until they reach the food section of the store that David loses it. He loves the bakery section most of all.

“Holy fuck, look at these muffins. They’re fucking huge oh my god and they’re two packs for like eight bucks. Obviously, we have to buy one of each type so we know which ones to buy again. I know you’re allergic to blueberries, but I’m not, so I guess these six will just be for me, okay?” David rambles as he starts inspecting muffins and placing them gently in the cart.

“David, are you really going to eat 24 muffins? These are like double the size of a regular muffin from the cafe.”

David looks between his husband and the pack of double chocolate muffins in his hands. “I can freeze half of each kind when we get home. That way I won’t eat them all immediately.”

Patrick studies his husband, staring an extra second too long before caving because David just looks so adorable and excited about the muffins and Patrick would buy them all if it made David happy. “Okay, David. But you have to store the blueberry ones in a separate container.”

“God I love you so much. This is why I married you. And look at me making a compromise. The things I do for you, Mr. Rose,” he replies as he places a fourth package of muffins in the cart.

Patrick rolls his eyes fondly and smiles at David. “You’re doing great babe. Now come on, we have a few more things to get and I don’t even want to know how you’ll handle the cheese aisle.”

“There’s an entire aisle in this giant store devoted just to cheese? I’m taking notes.”

“It’s more like a half aisle, but yes, and no, we cannot add a whole cheese aisle to our store. We only have one display fridge.”

“This is a hate crime.”

“Do you think you’re gonna make it, though?”

“Unclear. Unclear on whether I'm gonna make it through or not.” David has a clear memory of eucalyptus under eye serum and stolen kisses, and one look at Patrick lets him know that he’s thinking of the same moment. They smile at each other and move on through the store, their hands linked and swinging lightly between them.

\--

They don’t need many groceries, just a few basic bulk items, and David finds that the excitement of giant quantities of food wears off pretty quickly. He finds himself wandering off in one of the aisles because a giant bag of Doritos is calling his name. He knows that it’s easier to win Patrick over if he’s already inching whatever he wants into the cart, so he doesn’t bother saying anything when he stops and grabs the giant bag of chips. But of course, right next to the chips is a giant jar of pickles, which is just incorrect on so many levels, and David starts roaming the aisle to further judge the placement of various items. Who decided the layout of this store? The aesthetics are severely lacking. Sure, free samples sprinkled around the store are nice (whatever salsa he has sampled last was to die for), but the inventory being stacked right above the stuff for sale was less than satisfactory to look at. Do they not have a stock room for this stuff? Surely nobody is actually driving a forklift out onto the floor to grab extra inventory? David has never been more grateful for the aesthetics and beauty of their store. 

When he gets to the end of the aisle, he looks for Patrick but doesn’t see him. He shrugs it off. They both have their phones and it’s not like Patrick would leave without him. He makes his way to the middle part of the store between the home and food sections and is mortified by the clothing stacked in various piles. He tries not to shudder as he passes by the fabric and towards the large stack of books. He passes a table of men’s jeans and blows out a puff of air. He snags a pair in Patrick’s size because he’s a good husband and _the things he does for this man._ He can’t decide if he’s more ashamed of the comically large bag of Doritos he’s carrying or the midrange denim in his hands. (It’s definitely the jeans.) He hides the jeans behind the chips and moves to look at the books. Nothing really jumps out at him, so he continues on aimlessly.

He’s not sure how long he’s been roaming for when the overhead speaker system clicks on. “David Rose, your husband is at guest services. Again, David Rose, your husband is at guest services.” A few customers glance around but nobody seems to really care. David pulls his phone out of his pocket to see if Patrick had texted him when he realizes that his phone is dead. Fuck. As unsuspiciously as possible, David makes his way over to guest services to see Patrick sitting on a bench and frowning at his phone. He looks up when he hears David approaching.

“Where’d you go?” Patrick asks before David can even sit beside him on the bench. David just holds out the bag of chips as an explanation.

“I really wanted these. But then they were next to a giant jar of pickles which is just incorrect and disgusting and then I guess I got distracted and by the time I made it down the aisle you were gone and I figured you would just call me or something when you noticed I wasn’t around but you didn’t. And then I didn’t notice until the announcement that my phone was dead.”

“I missed you,” Patrick says weakly. 

David grabs Patrick’s hand. “It couldn’t have been that long.”

“Felt like forever. I kept waiting to hear your snarky remarks but then I turned around and you weren’t there. I checked the next aisle but you weren’t there either. Then I tried to call you, but it went straight to voicemail and I remembered that we spent the whole drive here listening to Mariah on your phone so it was probably dead. I figured I’d just come here and see if they had a PA system, which they thankfully do.”

“You’re a sap. We spend nearly all our time together. It’s a mystery how you haven’t gotten tired of me yet.”

“I could never get tired of you. But come on, we should go check out. Maybe I’ll buy you a churro at the food court if you ask nicely.”

They stood and wove their hands together. “I picked up these jeans for you. In public. Where anyone could have seen me. I think that deserves at least two churros.”

“I think that’s fair. I love you.”

“I love you. Thanks for bringing me here. It was fun.”

“Did you just call coming to Costco fun? Who are you and what have you done with my husband?”

“Perhaps certain aspects of this store are not _not_ unappealing.”

“A high praise.”

“Exactly.”

Patrick ended up buying four churros. David ate two before Patrick finished half of his first one. Patrick laughed and handed David the rest of his. David smiled at Patrick and stuffed the rest of the dessert in his mouth. They spent the drive home listening to Mariah and chatting occasionally, content just to be near each other.

**Author's Note:**

> twitter: sapphicstories  
> tumblr: patricksdavid


End file.
